November
by Dark Shaka Ficwriter
Summary: Tormented by recurring dreams with his brother, Aioria decides to visit the Sanctuary's graveyard. During the visit, he recalls some moments of his life alongside Aioros and thinks about his present condition in Athens. An unexpected encounter with another Gold Saint will make him think about the importance of family, love and trust.


November

I've been dreaming about Aioros more frequently this month. Last night, it happened again. I saw him. His face appeared first, stunningly clear as if it was real. Then his body, dressed in a white linen coat. He remained in silence, showing me that ever calm smile – the very same smile that he would give me to make me feel better whenever I got home crying after hurting myself while playing with the other kids. That's so irritating!

"What do you want?", I yelled, enraged by his presence in my sleep. Sleep, such a luxury item for a man like me who always needs to keep an eye open for carrying the stigma of being the brother of a traitor, the same traitor who now takes pleasure in disturbing me every night. But no matter how hard I scream, swear, or fight him... It's all in vain. Aioros never turns his eyes away from me, smiling calmly, as if I was still that annoying brat he had known long ago.

Every time he appears in my dreams, I need to look up so I can see his face. This year, I got the same age he was when he died but, in my dreams, my brother is still so much taller than I am. And as much as I offend him, as much I say that I hate him, he hugs me and keeps smiling towards me. I usually wake up struggling with myself, the sheets thrown off the bed – once I even knocked down the nightstand and all the things that were over it.

I trust no one. If I spoke to anyone else about these dreams, I'd certainly be mocked and the story soon would reach the Patriarch's ears. They'd say that the traitor's brother had gone crazy. They'd probably send me to an asylum, or banish me from here, or anything worst if they had the time to imagine something else. I'm not afraid. This is a matter of pride, simple and pure. It really hurts for a lion to have his ego wounded. Or his soul, or any other shit like that. No. I can't trust anyone. I'm the sole ally I have in the whole Sanctuary.

Lithos has noticed the dark circles beneath my eyes and my growing irritation. When I knocked down the nightstand, she had entered my room, deeply worried, thinking I had gotten myself into another fight within my Temple or that I've been attacked. Poor girl. She doesn't deserve to be drowned in these absurd situations; she's already in danger for being close to me. Also, there is nothing she that can do. It wouldn't fit me well – a Lion – to ask for the help of a little girl. Or Galan; who has his own obligations and whom I have sworn to protect. I can't let any of them even suspect that I've been dreaming such things!

Even though I'm shaking with fear inside my heart, even though I carry the most perplexing questions in my mind; my face shall always display that confident and proud expression, a cocky behavior able to irate anyone who'd try to play a trick on me. I'm a Lion! I'm a king! And acting like a great son of a bitch fits me well because everyone should fear me. I might go insane someday, but I'll preserve this pretentious act.

I don't like to admit that my arrogance is carefully planned and assayed. As much as I also don't like to admit that I developed a certain fear of graveyards after Aioros' death. Yet, here I am, even if not knowing if this will really solve anything. I remember when he told me about the rise of religions: the ancients had dreams about their deceased loved ones and came to believe that the dead were trying to send them messages. These messages were interpreted in many ways, including danger warnings, foresights and, above all, demands of the souls so they could have a peaceful afterlife journey, such as requests for sacrifices or the fulfilling one's last wish. Without much understanding of the logic of dreams, people started creating altars and worship places for the dead, seeking to appease them.

Naturally, things have evolved, but humankind is still haunted by the endless mysteries of death and soul. In some lands, the concern with these issues retains a huge social burden. A Silver Knight called Ismail once told me that some villages in his homeland Albania follow a strict code that remains even with the advent of modern law. That code is based on rigid honor standards that may culminate on endless vendettas between families that don't even have any reasons for rivalry... And this happens because, according to the traditions, the meaning of life is a dignified death.

Yeah. The truth is that no matter how much we feel that humanity has evolved and advanced, we can't face death in a rational way. And, for this reason, I'm afraid. I can't take another step further into the cemetery. The shadow of the entrance sign, the rusty metal arc corroded by time, it all makes me feel such an intense horror that it embarrasses me. Nonsense! A bunch of old gravestones, abandoned in an unkempt field, covered with tall grass, weeds and moss, unable to keep the names of the deceased... What a stupid fear!

Aioros' calm face. His smile. The cemetery. I want to scream.

When I was younger, Aioros would bring me here to visit his Master's grave and tell me about the greatest soldiers that had served the Sanctuary. It's strange that, when I was a child, this place never frightened me. Actually, I even enjoyed myself and was thrilled with the stories about ghosts haunting the place during the full moon, scaring anyone who dared to pass by. Now, my brother's ghost keeps me from going on. I don't understand what's his goal with showing up in my dreams. Moreover, acting like that! If he was a vengeful spirit, full of hate, I'd understand perfectly! But no. It's not like that.

Something is telling me that going to Aioros' tomb is the only way to make things right and put an end to the stupid tricks that he's been playing on me. Why doesn't he fight me? Why doesn't he say "well, well, Aioria, weren't you the greatest of all? and now you're shitting your pants just by looking at me?" No event that. Just smiles. And I keep on offending him and hitting him with all my hatred.

Slowly, I go through the gate. This place hasn't changed that much although it has been a long time since my last visit – how long? Eight years? More? The freshly dug graves are the most well maintained, which is common among us. We're soldiers, after all. Here today, gone tomorrow. The apprentices will take care of theirs Masters' graves until they die, leaving their own apprentices to take care of their graves and so on. Everything flows in this endless sad cycle.

Some of the older graves still receive quite a few visitors, like the ones that belong to the heroes of the previous Holy War. The tombs of the Gold Saints who died in the past conflict are always filled with flowers and all kinds of offers. The Pope – one of the few survivors of the conflict – frequently visits this place in order to pay homage to his brothers-in-arms. Or at least he used to. Rumor has it that the Patriarch doesn't come to the cemetery anymore and even I can't recall when was the last time I saw him and his retinue going down the stairs to come here. Maybe he's just tired. He's old and, for sure, this place is starting to haunt him. Death comes to all of us, after all.

It's not death that plagues me. Rather, it would be the real cure for this shitty life. I was on top, and even though I don't admit nor show it to the others, my fall was massive. Gigantic. I was one of the most promising Golden Saints, one of the strongest and most respected, brother of another Golden Saint loved by all and admired for his strength and modesty... Everything's gone. Now I am the brother of the traitor who was caught in the act. The excoriated soldier sent to suicide missions of questionable nature. But my pride doesn't allows me to let death come so easily. If it wants me, it needs to beat the lion that is inside of me – and a wounded proud Lion is even more difficult to defeat. I am a dying animal that refuses to give in to the enemy.

I don't know if it's because I didn't visit the graveyard in a long time, but this place seems more abandoned than usual. I remember helping Aioros on carrying the load of pruning tools, flowers, candles and incenses during our visits. I'd assist him on the job of cleaning his Master's grave – that hardly was in a bad shape, since we used to come here often. Finally, we would arrange the offerings and say our prayers. On our way back, Aioros would tell me once again about the deeds of his predecessor and even though I already knew all the stories by heart, they fascinated me as much as in the first time I've heard them. I thought that one day I'd also tell my disciples (or perhaps even my son!) about the glorious moments lived by my brother and master. Now everything is just an awful burden to carry on my own.

I'm not very far from Aioros' grave by now. What the…? Who's there in front of his gravestone? Oh no, no… It must be a nightmare! There's someone over there! Someone that, just like Aioros had done before; seems to be ripping of the grass growing over the tomb! Aioros, what the fuck is this?! If it's you, bastard!, scoundrel!, son of a big fat whore!, come and challenge me! Come and fight against your brother! Stop thinking I'm still a child and show no mercy! I'll send you back to the deeps of the Hades with my own fists in the blink of an eye!

The figure, which I can't identify because of the backlighting, arises. Just like Aioros in my dreams, it is tall and walks towards me, covering me with its big shadow. I need to do something ... I need, I will ... Oh, shit ... I'm afraid.

\- Is that you, Aioria?

Son of a bitch! Bastard! Damn you, Aldebaran! I almost pissed my pants because of you! Oh, I'd love to send you to the underworld right now! Stupid Bull! Jerk! Son of a bitch! Damn son of a bitch!

\- What are you doing here, Aldebaran?

I ask calmly, trying to keep my pose even though I'm burning inside. Asides all my anger, I have to admit that the situation is truly bizarre. It looks like Aioros really played a trick on me. Brilliant! Bringing Taurus here in order to make me think he was the same ghost who haunts me in my dreams is just brilliant! Aldebaran is an idiot! He and his stupid smile, one of someone who seems happy to see me! Before answering me, he lays his hoe on the ground, laying over its handle. He's wearing working overalls and a white t-shirt, both of them covered in mud and sweat. Over his head, a straw hat. Right now, he resembles much more a servant than an elite soldier.

\- I came here earlier to bring some flowers to Aioros grave and I found it in a situation of total abandonment. I thought that the least I could do to show some respect was clean up this place.

At his feet there's burlap sack, half-filled with grass that he had just cut off. The flowers are nearby – a vase of beautiful white chrysanthemums – just waiting to be placed by the tombstone after the cleaning is done. A bucket full of water, one grimy rag, a pair of shears… Taurus seems determined to make this place look good.

\- May I know why are you doing this?

\- Well, today's Aioros' birthday. Did you forget about it?

Damn it, I didn't even remember that! But who this bastard thinks he is? Is he the responsible for taking care of the Sanctuary's birthday parties?

\- Of course not. How could I forget something so important like this, Taurus?

He doesn't answer. Instead, he sighs, one of these long sighs that he uses to express his annoyance. I'd like to curse at him, however, it wouldn't do a thing: Aldebaran is a pit of peacefulness. He just explodes when someone criticizes Mu. Now he just ignores me completely and gets back to his work, taking care of the grass that grew around the tomb. Sometimes he kneels to pluck some weeds by its roots with his big and dirty hands. He's acting like this just to upset me. He knows how much I hate to be ignored. Ah, damned Ta-

\- You're indeed a terrible liar, Aioria! Since Aioros' death, every time I visit the cemetery, I see your brother's tomb in a deplorable condition. I always find what is left of the flowers I brought in my last visit and the grass growing all over again, covering the gravestone. For all these years, I've been cleaning Aioros' tomb in special occasions, such as his birthday, the anniversary of his death, All Souls day or Christmas. Tell me if this is a lie! Or did you just become so lazy that you can't even take care of you brother's tomb?

\- Shut the fuck up! Who do you think you are to patronize me? – (You giant piece of shit! Why don't you take care of your own life? Noisy bull! Go exercise your pity with your damned lover, that coward Lemurian! I don't need anyone worrying about me! To hell with you!) – Aioros wasn't your brother!

He's furious, but tries to hide his anger. Yes, hide everything! Swallow it! And then go gossip with that purple lamb in Jamir. Why don't you stay there for once? Just because you saved me from the hydra, it doesn't mean that I'm your friend or your ally! Stop acting as if the Sanctuary was a tea club because it's not!

\- Well, well, well... I thought I was the stubborn one in the Sanctuary, but it seems that even on this aspect, your gigantic ego is able to compete.

Son of-

\- Even though Aioros wasn't one of my relatives, he always treated me with the kindness of an elder brother. Even when all the other guys were mocking me because of my size or the color of my skin, he always defended me and acted like a true friend. To visit his tomb some times during the year is the LEAST I could do.

I want to explode with anger again, but it's not going to work with Taurus. I could call Mu a coward just for the joy of seeing him getting angry with me, yell, swear and even come and pick up a fight!, however, this wouldn't solve anything. I hate to admit it, but Aldebaran is right. I hate… I really hate to admit it. The worst of all is that he's ignoring me again, cleaning the tombstone covered in dust. I need to explain myself. Speak with a calm and rational voice is the only way to get his attention. I can't – I won't! – be ignored.

\- My brother is a traitor, Taurus. He attacked the baby Athena and almost placed the whole world in danger. Don't ask me to be compassionate towards his soul.

It seems I made it: Aldebaran stopped immediately. Now I just have to wait for him to turn to me and make some gibberish speech about fraternity.

\- I didn't think you'd take the official version so seriously.

...

Nothing else. He just shuts up and goes back to work. He didn't even face me to say those words. Fuck you, Taurus! Don't be so ridiculous! Stand up and fight me as a real man! Or I will have to-

\- However, Aioria, even though I can't even imagine your pain and sorrow, I think you're being too cruel.

\- Cr-cuel? – damn it, the words just got away from my mouth!

\- Unlike many of us, you were blessed with the joy of knowing your real family, of having a brother, blood of your blood, that loved you. And, after all, I don't think that Aioros' memory should be so disrespected.

Stupid bull, what did you know about my brother?! Again you try to patronize me, thinking of yourself as the voice of all wisdom on Earth! That's because you are not the traitor's brother. You can dye your hair for your own pleasure and not to erase your similarities with the man who almost killed the Goddess. You are not hunted, humiliated… You don't know how's to be on my shoes every day! What do you want me to do? To kill myself? To go mad just like Shura? Or, by any chance, do you think I should run away, just like your dear Mu? No, I'm not a coward, Taurus! I'm not! I can defend myself on my own.

\- You just say such things because you don't know how it feels to be treated like a pariah, Taurus! It's so nice of you to say this when you don't even know what I feel and then go and judge my behavior. What do you know about having a family, hm? My brother's grave is not your business!

He rises suddenly, leaving his work incomplete. However, he doesn't seem to regret anything he said to me, nor he seems shaken because of my words. His face shows a strength that I almost never saw and his eyes are sparking. Now it is the time. He's going to fight me and I'll kick his ass so he'll learn to not mess with other people's lives! Bastard! Come on and I'll bring you down. Yes: clench your fists and try to hit me. I'm ready. You're going to get yourself into a thousand days fight where I'll beat you as if it was a thousand centuries!

...

What the hell! He's removing his shirt? Are you mad, Taurus? Are you thinking I'm your fucking lover? Oh, I'll... These bandages. What is going on?

\- Look at this, Leo! Look at me! – He gets close to me like a real bull, furious and violent, ready to hit me really hard. The bandages are new and I can see a faint stain of blood marking the white cloth around his chest. This will not end well… And I can't even react properly – Do you think you are the only one who suffers in this Sanctuary? Hm?! Do you think I don't have a family and that there's no one here just waiting to destroy it?! Are you stupid or so deeply egocentric that you couldn't see what happened while you were in Jamir? Is your ego so big that it made you blind?

He's furious. I did it: I unleashed the rage of the eternally patient Aldebaran. The weird thing is that I'm not feeling any better. Actually, I regret what I've done. Aldebaran yells at me, but it's not out of hate. In a certain way, I understand him and he understands me. I'm regretful and sad. I failed. My lion carcass fell to the ground, revealing that I'm nothing but a scared kitten. I can't even go against the flow of words that he fires against me. This man, so tall and strong, now seems to have said enough and takes some distance with a terrorized expression on his face (how's my face looking right now?), using what's left of his power to suppress something that's still hurting him. It doesn't take long for him to look away from me. Stunned, he kneels down and fumbles in search of the hoe, his hands shaking.

I want to do something, however, nothing seems enough. I think it's better to just shut up. It was a mistake to ignore what happened in Jamir, and an even bigger mistake to forget that Aldebaran has been sent to the same kind of stupid missions that for years were left for me– just to make Mu go back to the Sanctuary. It was a true mistake, a real big one, but I don't have courage to admit it to Taurus. Pose. I need to keep my pose.

I was never good with these kind of things. Actually, I can feel my face burning red just to think about it. Still, I get close to the big guy and kneel in front of him. His dark eyes are upon me, curious and apprehensive. I want to apologize but at the same time that I don't want to. The words starts to scramble inside my mouth. I need to say something.

\- You need to be careful. I know you are strong, but you don't want Mu to come back just to take care of your grave, do you?

Done, now I just need to wait for a big punch straight to my face for not knowing how to talk like a normal person would.

A loud and deep laugh echoes inside my ears. When I look up, I see Aldebaran laughing, somewhat nervous, of course, but laughing. He lands that giant hand on my left shoulder and watches me smiling. Not a sign of the anger and sadness that just a little while ago were present in his face.

\- You don't have to worry. I don't intend to leave Mu so soon – he's back to his usual self and his eyes are shining bright just by thinking about his lover – And you can be sure that if something happens to me, he'll come back here as soon possible to turn everything upside down. If it happens, here's some advice: don't stand on his way.

He winks at me in a playful manner, just as if the whole situation was, in a very absurd way, pleasant. Maybe the idea of Mu coming back to Athens to avenge his death sounds romantic and exciting for him. He seats near the grave and picks up the dirty shirt, using it to clean the sweat from his face. I get up, cleaning the dust from my knees.

\- However, you're right about one thing.

\- Hm?

\- Aioros' grave is not my business to deal with.

What's going on? Is he angry? No, I don't see any sign of anger in his face. He gets up again and gently gives me the hoe. I can't understand that silly smile resting on his lips.

\- It's YOUR business. You were his brother and you are the one who's supposed to take care of this place from now on.

\- Aldeb-

\- Here, you can use my tools and give them back to me when you're finished. And please, don't forget to place the flower vase I've brought. I'll let it with you, okay?

I don't even know what to say.

\- Well, see you later.

And so, Taurus bids farewell, just as if nothing had happened. I stay here. The hoe is in my hand, the cleaning utensils are scattered around at my feet. Aioros' gravestone is just in front of me. My lips are trembling out of nervousness. I want to throw all this shit away. However, I start to skim the ground, removing all the weeds. I clean everything, filling the burlap sack with grass; I clean the dust from the gravestone… I just know that I need to do it. This grave will be the most beautiful grave in the damn cemetery! You'll see!

I didn't notice the time passing by. It's night already and I'm exhausted, dirty and sweaty. And happy, because I finished what I had to do. The flowers that Aldebaran brought are here and properly taken care of on the vase. Done. Arranged. Beautiful white chrysanthemums, the big ones.

And I didn't bring anything for my brother.

Damn it, Aioria! Don't start crying now! Not here. No...

It's my brother's birthday and I didn't even bring a flower to place on his grave.

\- I'm sorry, Aioros! Please, forgive me!

My brother, how I miss you. You were the only one that I could really trust, the only one! Aioros, what really happened that day? I can't believe you've done such a thing. Please, tell me it's not true! I wish I could show them how wrong they are! To all of them... I'm still the idiotic brat that you used to teach. I might have become a Gold Saint, but what for? I disrespected you, Aioros, I...

I fell asleep at the cemetery that night. Again, I dreamed with Aioros. This time, I embraced him with all my strength, wishing that my life was a nightmare and that the dream was reality. I begged him to forgive me until I lost count of how many times I had said those words; I cried until my eyes hurt, I kneeled at his feet without any pride left. He just kept on smiling and hugging me, quietly caressing my hair.

\- You shouldn't be sad on my birthday, Oria.

\- But Oros, I...

\- Shh... Calm down. There're just two things that I want to hear from you today. You know that, don't you?

Oros. My brother. Damn it, I couldn't stop crying.

\- Happy birthday, my brother. I love you.

And his smile just became even bigger.

\- I love you too, Oria. Please, never forget me.

I woke up just after that. The sun is rising already. I need to pick up Aldebaran's stuff and get out of here before someone sees me. Oh, I forgot to pray! How was it, the prayers…? Oros, forgive me if I'm praying in a wrong way because I don't remember when was the last time I prayed and I forgot how to do it. I promise I'll put an effort to it, okay? And later I'll bring you candles, incense and a flower vase much more beautiful than the one that Taurus brought! But, for now, you'll have to settle down with my praying, all right? They may not be perfect, but please, know that they're the best in the whole world!

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Acknowledgments to the English version:

I'd really have to thank my dear friend Klauseris for helping me with the translation process. I wouldn't be able to do it if it wasn't for you, girl! I wish you a successful and fruitful career in the StS fandom! I dedicate this translation to you.

Also, I'd like to dedicate this translation to Zero, the artist responsible for the fanart series that inspired me to write this text. Dear Zero, I hope I've done justice to your incredible work.

Acknowledgments to the Portuguse version:

I dedicate this work to Azedume, who was kind enough to be my beta reader.

I'd also like to thank Youko T. and Shaka Moon for reading prior to the online publishing, as well as Lune Kuruta for showing me the fanart series that inspired me to this text. I'd also like to thank Lucrécia Bórgia and Deneb.

If you liked this work, please, send me a review. I'd like to know your opinion. Thank you in advance.

Notes:

I inspired myself in "The acient city" by Fustel de Coulanges to describe how Aioria learnt about the beginning of the religions and its relation to dreams.

I also referenced on "Bronken April" when Aioria recalls the Silver Saint Ismail (an small homage to writer Ismail Kadaré) and Albania. It's a great book and I recommend the reading!


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